N'awlins at heart

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Spread the lie.

People are always complaining about how the government lies to them. So I started thinking, why does the government get all of the fun? We can spread a lie and help people at the same time. Are ya ready? Help me out with this one.

"Did you know, every time you use your turn signal you burn 8 calories!"

It'll totally work. Trust me. I think I'll start with tee shirts. Maybe move on to a billboard. Who knows? Get one of those banners drug behind a plane to fly around the city! Lets get this one out there and make the world a better place.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Animal Planet is full of shit.

Yeah yeah yeah, we all know I love the animals. And with Cartoon Network out of commission, at least for us, I moved on to Animal Planet. It was a show about animals attacking humans. I was totally buying into their crap until they started spouting silliness.

They started out with the Black Bear. Their fact was a typical black bear measures up to 6 feet. They had an awesome animation that showed this measured on the bear. It was amazingly fascinating.

Next came the mountain lion. Often called a "panther, cougar, or puma". A mountain lion can measure up to 6 feet. And again with the graphic. Wait, what? 6 feet? As big as a black bear? Amazingly fascinating.

Next up was a Buck. During mating season a buck becomes a lot more aggressive. I wonder how big a full grown buck can measure. Guess what? A full grown buck can measure up to 6 feet. Yep, it sure can. I saw the graphic.

Now hold on a minute. A black bear, mountain lion, and freaking deer are not the same size animal. I don't care what your graphic says, they are 3 very different sized animals.

Up next is the american alligator. If they show me a graph depicting a 6 foot american alligator I'm gonna start making some angry phone calls.

Speaking of animals, W1 made a comment about a week ago that I did not reply to. That time. She stated the cat was way too tiny and we needed to fatten her up. Now I give her credit, there are 3 large things on our cat. Her eyes, her ears, and her ass. Other than that she is a very petite 2-3 lb kitty. But she is 15 years old, and has been a very petite 2-3 lb kitty her whole life.

So yesterday when she said it again I could not stay quiet. The poor cat has spent her entire life weighing 3 lbs tops, why is it all of a sudden bad? I'm sure by now her arthritis is starting to kick in, how mean would it be to add a few more lbs to her? Make her lug a fat ass body around for the final years.

In her defense W1 wanted to do it out of love. She planned on spoiling her with a lot more wet food and cat treats. Her heart was in the right place. I just found it amusing. I love you and our kitty my angel.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Dangerous addiction.

One thing you may not know about me is that I have a sick addiction to office supplies. Whenever we go to the grocery store, or Wal-Mart, or anywhere that sells post it's or packages of pens, I have to go look at them. I don't know why it is. I just want a lot of cool pens, and stuff to write on. I rarely use any of them, I just want them. It scares even me sometimes.

So as we are relaxing, watching TV tonight W1 turns to me and says "I have to go to Office Depot tomorrow and pick up some stuff for work. I'll probably go in the morning while you are still sleeping and get it out of the way".

What the Hell is that? She's walking through rows and rows of office supplies while I'm at home probably dreaming about them. Have I done something wrong? Are you mad at me? I mean it has half of the words "office supplies" in the name.

On the contrary my love, we can get up early tomorrow if you like. I've been eyeing poster board online all day. :D

"My Ex-Boyfriend just kicked in the front door."

I have so many problems with this commercial I don't even know where to begin. So lets start here.

Although it is raining, she doesn't recognize her ex's SUV? Especially after they just pulled up behind him. It wasn't like he was ducking down. He just sat there watching them. The new boyfriend didn't notice some dude sitting in the car in front of his old lady's house?

Then the dude walks back to the car, once again not noticing some dude sitting in front of her house and speeds off. (Like she wouldn't have invited him in, at least long enough to let the rain die down. Maybe the date sucked.)

After the new boyfriend leaves, the ex walks up and kicks in the front door. The loud ass alarm does not phase him, but the telephone ringing does? Then he takes off. Um hello? She knows who you are. If he was angry enough to kick the door in without even a mask on he would have killed her long before anyone could show up. What can they do in that situation, sit on the line and listen to her get murdered?

I'm just not buying it. But fear is good marketing. Heads up though ladies, if your psycho ex boyfriend is crazy enough to park in front of your house waiting for you to return from a date, and then kicks your door in, don't expect the phone ringing to scare him away. It's not gonna happen.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Aw come on now!

90% of my television happens to be the Cartoon Network. I have often thought, when my coworkers discuss the reality shows they watch, how the only thing I find on TV these days worth watching are the cartoons. King of the Hill, Family Guy, Robot Chicken, Simpsons, Futurama... And so on, and so on.

We pay about $40 a month for basic cable through our apartment complex. (As opposed to $50 to the local cable provider.) Just add it to the rent check and go on about your business. You don't get the cool menus or the "box" but since we don't need HBO, HBO 2, Showtime, ESPN 14-937, it's no big deal. As long as I have my cartoons.

So why not keep with our latest turn of events and spill the local cable company / apartment complex battle into our lovely home. (This notice was taped to the cable box on the side of the building with a HUGE pad lock.) Mid show tonight a message came across the screen informing us as of today a digital cable box is required to view the cartoon network. Bastards!

I can't wait to get out of this complex!

Had to share.

I just saw this on Facebook and laughed so hard I had to pee.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Attention Residents:

"You suck and we hate you! Please leave our crappy complex. We've been doing everything we can to make you hate us. So once again bend over."

That's pretty much what our apartment complex must be saying. It's like rapid fire inconveniences. This is the note that arrived on everyone's door Friday when they returned from work.

I mean come on. When we moved in we were told we couldn't have a charcoal grill and a gas one was required for safety reasons. So we dropped $150-200 on a propane grill and tank, only to be told now we can't even leave it on the patio whether "dormant or in use".

I'm supposed to get rid of the grill? The grill that kept me fed for WEEKS after Hurricane Ike when I had no power. While the staff sit at the sister complex in the AC and I heated hot dogs and beans every night for sustenance. The grill that I use 3-5 times a week. Kiss my entire ass.

I think next week they are going to limit the hours we are actually allowed to spend inside of our apartments each week. I'm pretty sure I've heard rumors.

Well, I better run. I have chicken and sausage to flip.

(Side note, as I opened the grill to pull the food off we ran out of propane. Excellent timing.)

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Like you care...

It seems that I’ve been tagged by Chiapop at Life on the (L)edge. :)

Here are the rules:
1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Share your ABC s.
3. Tag three people at the end by linking to their blogs.
4. Let the three tagged people know they have been tagged.
5. Do not tag the same person repeatedly but try to tag different people, so there is a big network of bloggers doing this tag.

Available or single? No I am not.

Best Friend? Miguel

Cake or Pie? Red Velvet Cake. (Because it's made with beets).

Drink of choice? Syrah (Or Heineken when I need that old friend)

Essential item for every day use? Laptop.

Favorite Color? Verde (Green)

Google? Numerous times a day.

Hometown? Born in New York, grew up in N'awlins.

Indulgences? You name it.

January or February? February because it's short so paydays are closer together.

Life is incomplete without? Hannah.

Marriage date? June 3rd.

Number of siblings? 3

Oranges or apples? Granny Smith.

Phobias and fears? Fish. Whatever, shut up! You're scared of stuff too.

Quote for the day? "If we hit that bull's eye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate." - Zapp Brannigan

Reason to smile? I'm not at work.

Season? Lemon Pepper.

Tag 3 people? I don't know 3 people with blogs that haven't already been tagged.

Unknown fact about me? I got punched in the face 3 times rapid fire 2 nights before I stood in my sisters wedding. I'm glad I don't bruise easily.

Vegetable you hate? Tomatoes, onions, beets, cauliflower, celery, eggplant, cabbage, radishes... Should I keep going?

Worst habit? You name it...

X -rays you’ve had? My foot and my teeth.

Zodiac sign? Sagittarius. (That horse dude.)

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Lies Lies Lies Yeah!

Watching TV tonight I made the comment to W1 that one of my coworkers was on my case about getting a flu shot.

W1's lie:
Tell her you can't get the shot because of the blood pressure medication you're on.

My lie:
Screw that. I'm gonna wait til Monday and tell her I got it over the weekend. Maybe even throw in a "Thanks for reminding me!"

It's all about the delivery.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

(Name) drop it like it's hot.

First off. Happy Birthday my sweet angel! I am so glad you chose me to spend your life with, and I can't wait to spend more and more birthdays with you.

I was at work Thursday and as all of you know I work for a VERY large computer corporation. I've had some of these tenderfoot marketing individuals name drop on me in an attempt to put a rush on a favor, but it's usually our department head, or my bosses boss. This time was unbelievable, the lady actually name dropped the CEO. The CEO of the freakin company needs this computer ready tomorrow? But he doesn't even live in the same state. Anyway, name dropping the CEO an hour before I get off work and then asking me to do about 3 and 1/2 hours of work doesn't make me want to help you out now or in the future. Whatever, it was ready by Friday afternoon.

It rained most of last week so hopefully this week will be better. Although I think the plants are pretty pleased with the rain. The things are probably damn near drowning. I was only able to ride the bike one day because of the rain, although it was a short week. Yeah, this week will definitely be better. No doubt.

We have replaced the coworker who was let go. I guess the new guy is alright. I can't wait until he gets the hang of everything so I'm not stuck taking up the rest of the slack. But it does make the weeks fly by. But then again, the weekends fly by too.

Speaking of, I hope everyone is ready for a new work week. I know I am. A whole lot more of the same. But it is nice to have that paycheck. And to have somewhere to go during the week.

Sorry this one wasn't all that great. Still a little hung over. Once again, happy birthday my love. I hope you enjoyed the weekend. I love you. :)

Thursday, September 03, 2009

Circus of mistakes.

Comedy of errors. Same difference. It's how work has been without a doubt. I'll start today and move my way backward. Because I want to, that's why.

This morning, I spent most of my time looking for a non existent battery that doesn't exist. Then, this afternoon I was tasked with taking apart a laptop and replacing some parts.

But all was not well. Long story short, it didn't work when I was done. Of course they need it first thing tomorrow. So I worked late and got it fixed. There are too many details and I don't want to get into it.

On my way in to work today I was in the left lane. Traffic was pretty tight and I was coming close to the toll booth. All of a sudden I saw another bike shoot into my lane right behind me from the right. I immediately noticed it was a cop. First instinct, I look at the speedometer. "70 in a 65? Not bad. Definitely not worth pulling me over for. What did I do?" My first thought? "Come on man, I'm like 2 weeks from my deferral on the last ticket. If you ticket me I have to pay the last one too. For 70 in a 65? Come on man." All of this occurred in my mind in a time frame of about 5 seconds. Because that's about how long it was before he rocketed past me. In my lane.

God forbid I go a little faster than everyone else in traffic. I get not one, but two tickets. He, on the other hand, can pass me in my lane at a good 20 over. Must be nice.

And we rewind to Monday. I arrived at work wishing the weekend had been longer, as usual. I came into the lab and saw one of my co workers wasn't there. He's usually in early and we chat about our weekends. I sat down and started checking my emails. Around 10:30 AM on Saturday I was copied on an email from security telling me he had been terminated and his badge was deactivated. (Like did the red dot on his palm start blinking?) I was impressed today though when I found out he was telling his boss's boss's boss (that's right, not a typo) to come back later. He was "too busy to do that" and would have an answer later. On more than one occasion.

Mad props my man! That's all I can say.

It sucks though because he was a friend. I met him through Coworker R shortly after we moved here, and we hung out on the weekends every now and then. He didn't start working in our group until about a year ago, but we had been hanging out for a while. So basically one of my friends got fired. Last time they fired someone in my group I found out about an hour before they did it. I felt really bad knowing it was coming and wished I was caught by surprise too. This time I did not know it was coming and it still sucked.

Hey guess what? Another Thursday post. I promise I'm not doing it on purpose.