N'awlins at heart

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Watch out, here comes the Spiderman!

Since I started my new job I have continued to park in the garage by my old building. The one by the new building is huge and confusing, and half of it is closed off. So rather than take an hour finding my vehicle at the end of the day i take a 15 minute walk to the old garage. (Plus the new garage is about a 15 minute walk even though it is closer.)

There are tons of trees in the area, and a lot of "jogging trails". When i park in the other garage, I walk out the exit and cross the street. Then I walk down a really nice trail to get to my building. The trail is heavily wooded, and it reminds me of a campsite at a State Park. I have seen many snakes, spiders, and other such things during my walk. I try to be loud to scare away any snakes and not startle them, since most of the ones I've seen are copperheads.

So yesterday I was walking along my trail and ran into a spider web. Now I've ran into many spider webs. It's gross and startling for a second, but no big deal. Not this time though. This was no spider web, it was a freakin SPIDER NET! I walked into it and literally bounced back. (I also screamed like a little girl and accidentally hung up on W1.) Apparently this was the web of a "Zipper Spider". These things are hard core. All I can think of is the net you had in the 70's to practice pitching baseballs. I mean I seriously felt a Deja-vu (voux?) of walking into a Volleyball net. This thing was tough. (He spins a good web. Literally.) Needless to say I have since taken the long way around the building and avoid that trail like the plague.

I can see it now, I get caught in that big web, which I'm pretty sure will stop a bullet, the evil spider bites and paralyzes me, then wraps me up like I'm the victim in some sick Law and Order episode.

I was informed, however, that they are not poisonous. (Like that matters to me, I still ain't going anywhere near them.) Their natural defense is their bright scary color. What a rip off. Gee, thanks, don't let me spit burning venom, or release some acid-y spit, no thanks. I'll take the bright color so I stand out. Maybe I'll try that some time. Next time it looks like I may get in a fight I'm gonna step back and just be like "Um, helloooo. Look at me. I am very menacing. I can tell by the punches to my face, you are obviously not looking at me. Dammit, take a look at me and be scared!" And then they will run away crying. I'm sure that's exactly what will happen. Be sure to check back for the update on that one.


At 9:13 PM, Anonymous SSSPPPIIINNNEEEYYY!!! said...

Sissy!!!!!Pansy!!!Puddin'!!!!No brother of mine!!!!That sounds like something H2 would do. "I walk around the area now cause I'm H2, and I'm a sissy!!!!"

P.S. I hate fuckin' spiders worse then cockroaches!!! Love ya, Bro.

At 9:40 PM, Blogger Patti said...

You hung up on your wife - hahahaha!!!

Maybe you need one of those red, zippered Michael Jackson jackets as your defense. Now THAT'S menacing. :)


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