I'm number one!
First and foremost, Happy Birthday Ellie! We miss you like crazy and can't wait to see everyone soon.
So, I'm driving home today, minding my own business. I tried to pull the "speed up and pass someone on the right" maneuver but we've all seen how that works out. All of a sudden, said vehicle is in a hurry and boxes you in. So, I calmly slow down to get behind this jerkface. As I'm getting in the middle lane to get behind him, a bigger jerkface comes flying up on me, planning to get in the middle lane, then to the left lane, to continue flying by doing triple digits. Only, when I moved to the middle lane I caused him to get boxed in behind me. (Only after slamming on his brakes.) When the left lane became clear, I stayed where I was, assuming he was in a bigger hurry than I was. He took the bait, and passed me on the left. Once he was a few car lenghts ahead, the passenger put his arm out the window and let me know that I was number one. That's right, he shot me the bird. Shortly after the driver followed suit.
Now the part that gets me, is I'm the dick. I take all the blame for this fiasco. Never mind the guy hauling ass through rush hour traffic, trying to break the sound barrier. I'm the dick, right? I'm sorry, it was funny to me. I think I would have been a little more upset if I hadn't been listening to the Beatles when this occured. Yes, that was the song.
So the other day W1 had a Thanksgiving Pot Luck. I had brought some work home and was retesting issues so she decided to dice the onions to get me started on the bisque. After a while I heard a scream and a few choice words. I ran in the kitchen and saw she had cut herself with this knife.
So I head into the bathroom for neosporin and a bandaid. When I come out I see she has decided the knike was too small, or the wrong one, or something. So she has moved on to this knife.
That's right, I put a quarter up there to show proportion. So. Anyway, instead of almost cutting off a finger she moved on to a knife that could chop off her hand. (I love you baby.) Needless to say, I put work away and headed to the kitchen to cook.
Speaking of work, my minions have been quiet. I think the cold has sent them into hibernation, or something, who knows? (Well, maybe some scientists, or marine biologists, but out of us, who knows?) A few of them still come out and brave the cold. And, for the record, apparently humans aren't the only ones who can make an "O face".
So, I'm driving home today, minding my own business. I tried to pull the "speed up and pass someone on the right" maneuver but we've all seen how that works out. All of a sudden, said vehicle is in a hurry and boxes you in. So, I calmly slow down to get behind this jerkface. As I'm getting in the middle lane to get behind him, a bigger jerkface comes flying up on me, planning to get in the middle lane, then to the left lane, to continue flying by doing triple digits. Only, when I moved to the middle lane I caused him to get boxed in behind me. (Only after slamming on his brakes.) When the left lane became clear, I stayed where I was, assuming he was in a bigger hurry than I was. He took the bait, and passed me on the left. Once he was a few car lenghts ahead, the passenger put his arm out the window and let me know that I was number one. That's right, he shot me the bird. Shortly after the driver followed suit.
Now the part that gets me, is I'm the dick. I take all the blame for this fiasco. Never mind the guy hauling ass through rush hour traffic, trying to break the sound barrier. I'm the dick, right? I'm sorry, it was funny to me. I think I would have been a little more upset if I hadn't been listening to the Beatles when this occured. Yes, that was the song.
So the other day W1 had a Thanksgiving Pot Luck. I had brought some work home and was retesting issues so she decided to dice the onions to get me started on the bisque. After a while I heard a scream and a few choice words. I ran in the kitchen and saw she had cut herself with this knife.
So I head into the bathroom for neosporin and a bandaid. When I come out I see she has decided the knike was too small, or the wrong one, or something. So she has moved on to this knife.
That's right, I put a quarter up there to show proportion. So. Anyway, instead of almost cutting off a finger she moved on to a knife that could chop off her hand. (I love you baby.) Needless to say, I put work away and headed to the kitchen to cook.
Speaking of work, my minions have been quiet. I think the cold has sent them into hibernation, or something, who knows? (Well, maybe some scientists, or marine biologists, but out of us, who knows?) A few of them still come out and brave the cold. And, for the record, apparently humans aren't the only ones who can make an "O face".
posted by H1 @ 11:18 PM
4 Comments:
You need to stop at Petsmart and buy some turtle food! ...and keep your wife away from the kitchen!
Um, wives are never supposed to be in the kitchen!
Love the "O face" hahahaha!! Maybe that's "Molly's minion"!
Hey Bro. I hear yor wife doesn't want turtles in the house. In true SSSPPPIINNNEEEYYY Fashion, I am offering 8 TURTLES (Minions) with a 75 gallon tank to you for the low cost of FREE. Just to drive my tight ass sister in law CRAZY!!!! Love ya and let me know.
No 8 nothing and no 75 gallon nothing!! Cut dat out.
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